Life on Pause

There is so much going on right now. Inside, outside, and between. But it feels like I’m standing still and nothing can get here soon enough.

I’m bored and tired of waiting. I want an adventure, not a plan. I want to do. Something. Anything.

But I’m stuck in this horrible limbo, more than partially of my own creation. Not yet able to grasp the things I want and not quite ready to let go of those I must leave behind.

A few days ago I told Adam I didn’t know how you could want two wildly different things so badly at the same time.

I must let go to move ahead. And I think… I’m ready?

I am just so tired of feeling like my life is on pause, the screen flickering with my indecision.

And yet—so much of what is to come isn’t within my control at all. So much of it rests with fate and a thousand tiny decisions made by others.

I need a boom. A big crashing something to rattle me out of this haze and get the ball rolling, even if we’re headed off a cliff.

I just need to move again.